Reptile Forum, Reptile Classifieds - CaptiveBred

[munchy]

if im in the wrong section im sowwwwwwwwieeeeeee

Three guys work on a construction site. One is white, one is black and one is Polish. The bell rings for lunch and the white man opens his lunch bag and sighs deeply, saying, "If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow I'm jumping off the building." The black guy opens up his lunch, glares and says " If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow, I'm going with you." The Polish man opens his lunch, pulls out another ham sandwich, and says "I'm with you guys."

The next day the lunch bell rings. The white man opens his lunch. He says, "Turkey sandwich. I love my wife." The black guy opens his lunch. He says, "Chicken sandwich. I love my wife. The Polish man opened his lunchbox, looked stricken, and said "HAM AGAIN! See ya guys." With that, he jumped off the building. The black guy says " I feel sorry for him." The white man replies, "I'm not, he packs his own lunch."


Two morons were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.

The other nut, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"

The second got completely upset and yelled, "You MORON!!! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!!"
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1.1 adult boas neo trinity,1.1 bubby boas ,coco ,chanel,1 amel corn diamond, 1.1.snow corn, cena,yasmin,cali king louie,bubby beardie velcro,2bosc kansas,bajy,1.1royals,1 plated lizard bert,and charlie my iggy

[munchy]

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband.

Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement where she finally found her husband crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.

"Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were sixteen?" he replied. "And remember he said I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next twenty years in prison."

Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember, so what?"

The husband sobbed, "I would have gotten out today."
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1.1 adult boas neo trinity,1.1 bubby boas ,coco ,chanel,1 amel corn diamond, 1.1.snow corn, cena,yasmin,cali king louie,bubby beardie velcro,2bosc kansas,bajy,1.1royals,1 plated lizard bert,and charlie my iggy

[Scott W]

[munchy]

They were much *cough* better ones wernt they

perhaps not as good though




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1.1 adult boas neo trinity,1.1 bubby boas ,coco ,chanel,1 amel corn diamond, 1.1.snow corn, cena,yasmin,cali king louie,bubby beardie velcro,2bosc kansas,bajy,1.1royals,1 plated lizard bert,and charlie my iggy

[herpfan]

roflmao
on top form as always hun


Kev
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funky monk

[munchy]

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"Its very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"

"I had a heart attack" says the first man.

"You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says

"What do you mean?" asks the first man

"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive!"
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1.1 adult boas neo trinity,1.1 bubby boas ,coco ,chanel,1 amel corn diamond, 1.1.snow corn, cena,yasmin,cali king louie,bubby beardie velcro,2bosc kansas,bajy,1.1royals,1 plated lizard bert,and charlie my iggy

[Kev (herpfan)]

roflpmlmao
heard something similar to that before, lollollol, great stuff hun


Kev


P.S - couldnt be bothered logging on, lol, that why im replying as a guest

[paul]

very funny....anymore?
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save the trees, they did us no harm!!!

[munchy]

A woman was in the kitchen cooking dinner and she was just singing,
humming and giggling all over herself. Her husband asked her why she was
so happy. She said, "I went to the doctor today and he said I have the
breasts of a twenty year old."

The husband then asked, "What did he say about your fifty year old ar**?"

"Your name didn't come up in our conversation." She replied.


Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked:
"I want to buy this material for a dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per metre" replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten metres."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk
quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing
beside her, "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.



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1.1 adult boas neo trinity,1.1 bubby boas ,coco ,chanel,1 amel corn diamond, 1.1.snow corn, cena,yasmin,cali king louie,bubby beardie velcro,2bosc kansas,bajy,1.1royals,1 plated lizard bert,and charlie my iggy

[munchy]

Instructions For The Stupid

On instructions for a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial bath bar: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On a frozen dinner package: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel-provided shower cap box: Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tirimisu dessert: Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging from a Rowenta Iron. Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On a bottle of Nytol (a sleeping aid): Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: Keep out of children.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts.

On an American Airlines package of nuts: Instructions: Open package, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

On a package of Sunmaid raisins: Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?

On curling iron instructions: Do not put into eyes.




Talk about thick
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1.1 adult boas neo trinity,1.1 bubby boas ,coco ,chanel,1 amel corn diamond, 1.1.snow corn, cena,yasmin,cali king louie,bubby beardie velcro,2bosc kansas,bajy,1.1royals,1 plated lizard bert,and charlie my iggy