Reptile Forum, Reptile Classifieds - CaptiveBred

[Scott W]

Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
She heard that one out of every four children born in the world was
Chinese.

***************

Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the
escalators for over four hours.

*****************

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
decided to have some fun.
He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened So she blew a little harder,
and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you
doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow
into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like hello! You need to
roll up the windows first."

****************

A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.
The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while
covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye
doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through,
covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her
face.
"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about
getting glasses."
"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire
frames."

****************

A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver
thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought
it over to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "That's ! a thermos . . it keeps some things hot and
some things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she
bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked.
"Why, that's a thermos . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things
cold," she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee".

***************

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf
balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The
puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf
balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and
finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked,
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

******************


A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie,
something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy
her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of
its features.
Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new
phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her
astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said,
"how do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is
clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
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Please DO NOT pm orders for reptiles, send email instead scott@captivebred.co.uk

[Peter Parrot]

If a blonde and a brunette fell off a cliff at the same time, one of them would reach the bottom first. Which one and why? Easy, the brunette would get to the bottom first as the blonde would have to stop and ask directions.


A man in a pub turns to his mate and starts to tell a joke: "A blonde walks into a pub" he says, but gets no further as he receives a tap on the shoulder. He turns around to be met with a tall and well designed blonde girl. "Excuse me!" she said, "I heard you then about to pick on blondes. Well I`d just like to point out that I am blonde and I recently won the female javelin event at the amateur athletics. My freind over there at the table, she`s blonde also and is a female wrestler, and the blonde girl with her is blonde also and is a very good amateur ladies boxer. Now, do you STILL want to tell that joke about blondes?!"
The man looked at the two other well built blondes and then back to the first blonde and said "No. I don`t think I`ll bother now after all."
"I thought as much!" the blonde replied, "And why not you coward?!"
"Oh it`s not that," he replied, "It`s just that I couldn`t be bothered to explain it three times."
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