Reptile Forum, Reptile Classifieds - CaptiveBred

[goldenburm]

Dear All



Further to discussions with the Directors, the following changes will come into effect starting this year.



Dress Code



It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes or a Rolex watch, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.



If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay rise.



If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay rise.



Sick Days



We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.

If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.



Personal Days



Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called

Saturday & Sunday.



Bereavement Leave



This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch break and subsequently leave half hour early.



Toilet Use



Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles. At the end of three

Minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".



Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.



Lunch Break



Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people are to get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.





Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations and input should be directed elsewhere.
_________________
1.0 striped supersalmon DEAD
0.1 salmon poss TH moonglow DEAD
0.1 Orangasm DH ghost DEAD
1.0 pastel motley DEAD
2.0 sunglows 1.0 LIVING
1.1 pastel het snow 0.1 LIVING
2.2 albino boas DEAD
0.2 albino ara's DEAD
0.4 boa constrictors 0.2 LIVING

[mark_w]

I like it Kinda reminds me of somewhere....

Mark.

[KJ Exotics]

Wooo college will have a field day if they seen this lol
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Kieron
www.kjexotics.co.uk
sales@kjexotics.co.uk
Nuneaton warwickshire

[cass]

that is exactly like my work , hate the place
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http://www.beardieboard.com/

[Rickeezee]

Very good thats the spirit far more firms should take that attitude.

I do however think the lunch breaks were excessive. Room for some tightening up to be done there I think.

I am also highly concerned that the company supplies the loo roll, unnecessary oncost involved. Perhaps a flexible benefits scheme could be introduced swap pay for use of loo roll in work time, and count loo time as an unpaid break.

Bah Humbug
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www.rickslivefood.co.uk