Reptile Forum, Reptile Classifieds - CaptiveBred

[goldenburm]

Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials, and, in certain cases, the answers given by insightful witnesses:



1. "Now, Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his/her sleep, in most cases they just pass quietly away and don't know anything about it until the next morning?"



2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"



3. "Were you alone or by yourself?"



4. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"



5. Q: "I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?"
A: "That's me."
Q: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"



6. Q: "What happened then?"
A: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Q: "Did he kill you?"



7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"



8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"



9. Q: "Mrs. Jones, do you believe that you are emotionally stable?"
A: "I used to be."
Q: "How many times have you committed suicide?"



10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at the time?"



11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"



12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?



13. Q: "Mr. Sistery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
A: "I went to Europe, sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"



14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: "Was this a male or a female?"



16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."



17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."



18. Q: "All your answers must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."



19. Q: "Do you recall the time you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."



20: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"



21: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"



22: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"



23: Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."



24: Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."



25: Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
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