Reptile Forum, Reptile Classifieds - CaptiveBred

reeve105a · Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 11:38 pm Post subject: Jokes..

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ''Thats Aboriginal.''

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said tenpin I said no permanent.

I went in to a pet shop. I said can I buy a goldfish the guy said do you want an aquarium I said I don't care what star sign it is

I was at a garden centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went T'PAU I said don't you mean KAPOW he said no I've got china in my hand.

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet Best Before End.

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said Analogue. I said no just a watch.

I went into a shop and i said can someone sell me a kettle, the bloke said Kenwood I said where is he then.

My mate is in love with two schoolbags, He's bisatchel

I went to the doctor. I said to him I'm frightened of lapels he said You've got cholera.

I met the man who invented crosswords today I can't remember his name. it's P something T something R

I was reading this book today The History Of Glue I couldn't put it down

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the man who answered just went on and on

The recruitment consultant asked me What do you think of voluntary work I said I wouldn't do it if you paid me.

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener, I said you don't need a tin opener to peel a banana, He said, No, this is for the custard

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said Iwant you to trace someone for me

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre, She said Are you having me on? I said Well i'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.

I phoned the local builders today I said to them Can I have a skip outside my house? He said I'm not stopping you.

I fancied a game of darts with my mate, He said Nearest the bull goes first He went Baah and I went Moo He said You're closest.

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. the police came and asked me what had happened I said I careered off the road

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today It's tiny you couldn't swing a cat in there.

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said Eurostar I said Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said How flexible are you, I said, I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.

I went to the local video shop and I said, Can I take out The Elephant Man? He said He's not your type. I said Can I borrow Batman Forever? He said, No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow.
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