| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
peaches
CaptiveBred Addict!
Joined: 16 Mar 2006
Posts: 940
Location: somerset
|
 Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:41 pm Post subject: My kind of Doctor |
 |
|
This doctors fab..........made me chuckle anyway. 
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste
them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables . So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. I n
fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for
you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best
feel-good food around!!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.
And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly
used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
I agree with that last bit sooooo much 
_________________
www.ratsnakefoundation.org |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
mattrethy
Key Member
Joined: 08 Aug 2007
Posts: 212
Location: Heathfield, East sussex, England
|
| Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:59 pm Post subject: |
|
|
What rubbish. these days every one is promoting fat and people are starting to think being fat is OK when its not you can eat and drink what you like as long as its in proportion.
_________________
www.freewebs.co.uk/southeastreptiles |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
PaulG
Captivebred Colonel
Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 3996
Location: North West
|
| Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 7:03 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| mattrethy wrote: | | What rubbish. these days every one is promoting fat and people are starting to think being fat is OK when its not you can eat and drink what you like as long as its in proportion. |
GOD MATE, chill abit!
its only a bit off fun! 
very funny I thought
_________________
Regards, Paul.
:.Rhacodactylus.:.Eublepharis.:.Stenodactylus.:.Nephrurus.: |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
MJ
Site Moderator
Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 5738
Location: London
|
| Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 7:13 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| mattrethy wrote: | | What rubbish. these days every one is promoting fat and people are starting to think being fat is OK when its not you can eat and drink what you like as long as its in proportion. |
PMSL Matt you made me laugh so hard with that
I will use that every time some one says Paul you're looking a little chubby lately
_________________
Paul
For all your Tropical plant and Naturalistic Vivarium needs please enjoy Urban Bromeliad |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
mattrethy
Key Member
Joined: 08 Aug 2007
Posts: 212
Location: Heathfield, East sussex, England
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Phil1988
Captivebred Communist
Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 1589
Location: Manchester
|
| Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 7:39 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Seems like you are pretty easy to annoy |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
mattrethy
Key Member
Joined: 08 Aug 2007
Posts: 212
Location: Heathfield, East sussex, England
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
MJ
Site Moderator
Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 5738
Location: London
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
davo
Captivebred Communist
Joined: 15 Oct 2006
Posts: 1091
Location: glos.
|
| Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 1:45 am Post subject: |
|
|
| mmmmm battered mars bar.... havent had one of those in a while |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
serpent
Key Member
Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Posts: 426
Location: Kent
|
| Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:26 am Post subject: |
|
|
| MJ wrote: |
I will use that every time some one says Paul you're looking a little chubby lately |
I think Matt feels that everyones picking on him .... If he has .05 of a gram on his whole body i would be very very suprised.
IMHO he needs to be held down and force fed double pie and mash with double helpings of jellied ells and 5 or 6 donuts twice a day to put some weight on him
If he was a horse someone would be calling the RSPCA about animal cruelty (no-one has been feeding him) 
_________________
People laugh at me because I am different
I laugh at them because they are all the same. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
