Reptile Forum, Reptile Classifieds - CaptiveBred

[Mememe]

Two little old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke, the only place they could smoke at the nursing home, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. The second old lady asks, "What's that?". The first old lady replies, "A condom." The second old lady then asks, "Where'd you get it?" The first old lady replies,"You can get them at any chemist."

The next day the second old lady hobbles herself into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a package of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely, she is, after all, in her 80s, but politely asks what brand she prefers. "Doesn't matter," she replies, "as long as it fits a Camel."


Women eh?


How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you properly.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things": it allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. She can use the clock that's on the oven.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married Miss "Right".
I just didn't know then that her first name was "Always".

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I too polite to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I answered, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens everywhere son, not just in Africa."

A man placed an ad in the classified section of a newspaper: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they're good looking.


Women on the board, don't get offended

[Scott W]

Did you hear Elton John has split with his partner already?

Apparently he was upset to find out David was having sex behind his back..
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Please DO NOT pm orders for reptiles, send email instead scott@captivebred.co.uk

[Mememe]

LOL, that's a good one

[Peter Parrot]

My Mrs has got "Old Dyson`s Disease". Yours may have it too. Typical symptoms are making a continuous whining sound and no longer sucking.
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[Stuart]