Reptile Forum, Reptile Classifieds - CaptiveBred

[Bazzer]

You might be a snake lover if ........

• redecorating the house means finding a way to squeeze in another vivarium.
• You saw BCC on your email and thought “what is a boa doing in there?”
• you ask the pet shopfor a No-Pest "fly" Strip in January.
• you own a half dozen kitty litter boxes, but no cats.
• you give the guy wearing snake skin boots your dirtiest look and wonder if you could get off with justifiable murder or try and reduce it down to manslaughter
• you take along a pillow case when mountain biking.
• your arms say "IV drug user" but your Burmese python says "lunch"
• you have many heat pads on but never have used one.
• you start looking at your kitchen cupboards, while wondering how difficult it would be to convert them to snake enclosures.
• your parents are helping you find a new place to live and are willing to pay all the expenses and you're only 15 years old.
• your idea of a holiday is going to a herp show.
• you evaluate potential homes by the location of the electrical sockets, and the how easily the second bedroom can accommodate all of your snake racks.
• when hiking, you said, "Look, a baby adder! Bless!
• you have chased away salesmen with your Boa.
• the thought of a burglar in your house makes you giggle.
• you refer to a pregnant woman as "gravid", and if she had twins you want to know if the babies came out with a ratio of 1.1, 0.2 or 2.0
• you find the entire restaurant become silent around you as you and your friends talk about your pets.
• you find yourself talking to people about the different way to kill rats.
• you separate your post into 3 piles- bills, junk mail, and this month’s price lists.
• you get out of your car and start stop traffic so that the snake can make it across to safety!
• you get upset when the Discovery Channel has a 1 hour special on snakes and they don’t even identify the species!
• you don’t count your mice when you tell friends what, and how many, animals you own.
• you judge the quality of a garage sale by the potential herp housing units for sale.
• you never see your postman, he just rings the doorbell, drops the box and runs.
• you find books on parasites interesting literature.
• you only read the "Pets for sale" classified section of the paper.
• you notice that your cat has a new approach to entering the living room: "tip-pawing" sideways, in slow motion, and staring at the same damn piece of furniture everytime!
• you see someone walking their chihuahua and think...hmm...snake food.
• every vehicle you own has a snake bag in it..
• you use the word "shed" a lot and aren’t referring to a building.
• you watch "Crocodile Dundee", "Raiders of the Lost Arc", etc., etc., and always root for the reptiles instead of the hero.
• You are angry at “Crocodile Dundee” when he killed the snake
• While watching “Raiders of the Lost Arc” you try and identify every single snake and do it successfully. You also realize instantly that most of the “snakes” are actually legless lizards.
• you know the nutritional content of gerbils.
• while watching Anaconda, you were rooting for the snake the whole time
• when walking out of the theatre after watching Anaconda, you hear someone say that a snake couldn’t really catch a prey item in real life and you have to lecture them about just how wrong they are.
• your house guest yells "You have a dead rat in you kitchen!" and you reply "he’s thawing for dinner"
• you find out who your real friends are because they’re the only ones who are willing to ask you how your day was over lunch.
• you keep insisting to your spouse that they just gave you the snake for free, and that you just lost your bank statement. (ring any bells Medusan?)
• when you hear your mother scream "mouse!" and a smile lights up your face.
• your relatives and friends make elaborate excuses to avoid visiting your new house.
• all of your roommates have stopped using the microwave to heat up their food.
• your response to friends showing you their new hamsters is, "Nope, too small."
• you think your snake is more ’sexy’ than your partner. Yup! *ducks to avoid blow from misses!*
• guests at your house have to ask before they are allowed to sit on your couch.
• you go to get a "family" portrait done at a studio and they kick you out.
• the people at your office know your snakes by their first names.
• you have a house warming party and no one shows up
• you go to the zoo or pet store to try to find a date.
• The Fedex people know you by name
• you spend more on your snake than your partner
• people nervously look at your wrists and begin to hide sharp implements as they try to discern what "life event" you recently experienced.
• your best picture of your partner is with a snake wrapped around him/her.
• when a visitor in your home asks your pre-schooler "Do you know what this is?" And your kid replies "Of course, its a molurus bivittatus, better known as a Burmese Python."
• your friends are constantly asking. "What are all those little holes in your fingers?"
• your house is the yearly field trip for the school.
• your neighbours think you’re a prostitute/photographer, because they can see the red light from your windows every night.
• your room mate is afraid to do any cooking because of those nasty surprises you forget to wrap up in the fridge.
• you’ve spent ages trying to convince your partner that you need a bigger house so your snakes can have their own bedroom.
• you have photos of your snakes but not your family in your wallet.

• you buy an extra freezer, just to hold your food supply.
• you buy rodent food in a 25kg bag.
• you constantly buy aquariums, but own no fish
• you buy bleach but never do laundry.
• you subscribe to newspaper just for substrate purposes.
• you buy a new camera so you can take closeups of your new babies that just hatched.
• you are standing in the pet store checkout line, and the person in line behind you says "Oh, they’re so cute, do they make good pets?" and you reply "Don’t know, but "The Boa" sure loves them".
• you have been thrown out of at least 3 pet shops this year.
• pet shops have your picture on the wall with a sign saying "Do Not Let This Person In!"
• you spent your last pound on a herp book and you don’t get paid for another week.
• you buy 100 watt bulbs by the case.
• you buy SKY just for the Discovery and Animal channels.
• you look for sales on sweater boxes, but you don’t own any sweaters.
• your wish list looks more like a reptile surplus’s price list by the day
• all the gifts you ask for are "alive".
• your freezer contains more dead mice then ice cream.
• you cook your dinner and defrosted a rat at the same time.
• you hang signs all over your house "Escaped Snake! Please look before you sit!"
• you never turn on your room lights because the cages provide enough.
• you never have to turn on the heat because the cages provide enough heat for the whole house
• your screen saver is of your favourite Boa....yup
• the electric company asks you why you need a 200 amp service when all your major appliances are gas.
• you have to buy extra bookshelves for all the herp books and magazines.
• your linen closet has about three times as many pillowcases as sheets.
• you’ve said "Are aquariums all right?" to a prospective landlord and own no fish.
• you find yourself telling prospective landlords that you have a small snake and you’re talking about your 6-foot boa.
• you keep your house at a constant 82F.
• losing electrical power at any time of the year is a major crisis.
• you sleep on the couch, but have a lovely reptile setup in the bedroom.
• you have a sign that says "Beware of Snake" on your front door.
• hunting under the bed with a flashlight doesn’t involve finding that missing sock.
• you think finding mice in your new house is a good thing.
• every small bookshelf, desk, and counter you own has a vivarium on top of it.
• your bedroom looks like a picture out of National Geographic.
• your electric company asks if you want a professional account.
• you have a bigger uninterruptible power supply on your snake cage than on your computer.
• when you have a 3 bedroom house and you realize you have a Boa in each bedroom.
• you charge admission at your house

Last but not least
• you devote your web space to your snakes.
• all your bookmarks go to herp pages.
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"When i'm a big boy I wanna avatar like Johonny. lmao and rofl"

[PaulG]

HOW MANY!

Some funny ones though.
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Regards, Paul.

:.Rhacodactylus.:.Eublepharis.:.Stenodactylus.:.Nephrurus.:

[quasimodo]

Brilliant Baz, I laughed out loud at some of them. Problem is.... they are all soooo true I often have groups of young people - lads and lasses - on my doorstep asking to see the snakes It is great to have a reputation as the snake / reptile lady.


Sue

[Dracowoman2]

PMSL
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www.draco2.co.uk

"Life without animals isn't life, they give much and take little"

Claire

[kingcobra]

,i am cracking up at the thought of my X many years ago, GRAVID! excellent description!!

some really great ones in that list!!
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we all have the spark of divinity within us, but are we responsible enough to use it?